Koeksister Mentality

I’ve been raving about the Koeksister mentality for a little while now. I may even have changed my thinking around it- but no doubt…. The Koeksister Mentality exists people.

Definition: Koeksister Mentality (subjective): – stunted thinking found in people who are too lazy to take responsibility for themselves.

I read some article a little while ago reporting results of men who are victims of domestic abuse (wifie or partner bitchslaps the dude). The report broke it down to the various races and found that coloured men in South Africa have the highest rates of being victims of domestic abuse. Not just that, they faaaaaaar outweigh other races and these are just the reported cases. So how did we get here?

My philosophy attributed the cause to the mommy’s boy-syndrome, commonly found in local communities. Mommy and daddy spoils dude rotten, giving them almost anything they wish at the drop of a hat. Why? “Cos my boy will carry the family name” of course… the family legacy if you will. And well, I’m sure a host of other reasons. Problem. Dude grows up, starts a family of his own, but mommy and daddy is still around to catch you if you fall. Problem. When is dude going to learn to take responsibility for himself? Pressure mounts as responsibilities add up. At some point, mommy and daddy may leave you to your devices. Eventually, with the lack of proper coping mechanisms and/or life skills, it just becomes easier to resort to alcohol, drugs and affairs when things don’t exactly go your way. Jeez, apparently life can be tough.

Close knit families are both great and often a curse. Yes, I can understand parents wanting to give their kids the best. At some point though, they’ll need to make their own decisions and learn to take responsibility should they wish to survive the big bad world.

In my dealings with various cultures, particularly from other African counties, I found that often these communities consider it the norm to send kids to boarding school. I think this is a great societal model. Kids learn to take responsibility for themselves outside the confines of the comfortable and secure surroundings that mommy and daddy’s home offers.

Often we find refugees, coming from unimaginable circumstances, arriving with practically nothing, and within no time they’re either employed or have created some means of making a living and providing for themselves and their families. And locals contend “they’re stealing our jobs”. Paleeez.

So the Koeksister Mentality sits back… waiting patiently for that promised opportunity to miraculously come their way. Gets retrenched, sits at home and expects wifie to fulfil all household chores, care for the kids and bring in the dough. The result, she’s waking up and resorts to bitchslapping the dude out of frustration. Yes yes – it’s a generalisation, my grossly subjective view and is not the case in all circumstances. However, I do feel I’m onto something here, particularly where coloured communities are concerned.

Problem with the Koeksister Mentality is that kids are reared to sustain the family it seems, as opposed to being reared for the world, taking an active role in it and fending for themselves. And, in this regard, the Koeksister Mentality does not exclusively apply to the dudes, but includes women too- thus anyone too lazy to take responsibility for themselves. Also, blaming your circumstances is nothing but a cheap copout. Parents always do the best with whatever they have available to them in terms of knowledge and resources. By now, you should be old enough to think for yourself and at least attempt to make the best of your circumstances.

Yes, life can be tough, but with the abundant opportunities out there - the Koeksister Mentality can only hold you back if you allow it to.